animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they are the jurors.' She said
this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it:
for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew
the meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just as well.
The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. `What are they
doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They can't have anything to put
down yet, before the trial's begun.'
`They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, `for
fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'
`Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped
hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in the court!' and the King
put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was
talking.
Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all
the jurors were writing down `stupid things!' on their slates, and she could
even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that
he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in
before the trial's over!' thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not
stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon
found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor
little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had
become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with
one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left
no mark on the slate.
`Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.
On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--
`The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The
Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!'
`Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.
`Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's a great deal to
come before that!'
`Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three
blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First witness!'
The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and
a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg pardon, your Majesty,' he
began, `for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I
was sent for.'
`You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did you begin?'
The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court,
arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I think it was,' he
said.
`Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.
`Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.
`Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote
down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced
the answer to shillings and pence.
`Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.
`It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.
`Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a
memorandum of the fact.
`I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; `I've none of my
own. I'm a hatter.'
Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter,
who turned pale and fidgeted.
`Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or I'll have you
executed on the spot.'
This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept shifting from one
foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit
a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a
good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow
larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court;
but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as
there was room for her.
`I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting next
to her. `I can hardly breathe.'
`I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.'
`You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.
`Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know you're growing
too.'
`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse: `not in that
ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other
side of the court.
All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as
the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court,
`Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched
Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
`Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have you executed,
whether you're nervous or not.'
`I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, `--
and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the
bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'
`The twinkling of the what?' said the King.
`It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.
`Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. `Do you take
me for a dunce? Go on!'
`I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things twinkled after
that--only the March Hare said--'
`I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
`You did!' said the Hatter.
`I deny it!' said the March Hare.
`He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.'
`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, looking
anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied
nothing, being fast asleep.
`After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread- and-butter--'
`But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.
`That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.
`You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you executed.'
The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went
down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.
`You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to
you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the
mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and
then sat upon it.)
`I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often read in the
newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause,
which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and I
never understood what it meant till now.'
`If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the King.
`I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as it is.'
`Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.
`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we shall get on
better.'
`I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the
Queen, who was reading the list of singers.
`You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without
even waiting to put his shoes on.
`--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the
officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the
door.
`Call the next witness!' said the King.
The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her
hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by
the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.
`Give your evidence,' said the King.
`Shan't,' said the cook.
The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice,
`Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'
`Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after
folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of
sight, he said in a deep voice, `What are tarts made of?'
`Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.
`Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.
`Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that Dormouse!
Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his
whiskers!'
For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse
turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had
disappeared.
`Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. `Call the next
witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, `Really, my dear,
YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead
ache!'
Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very
curious to see what the next witness would be like, `--for they haven't got
much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the
White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'
CHAPTER XII Alice's Evidence
`Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large
she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry
that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all
the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay
sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had
accidentally upset the week before.
`Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and
began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of
the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea
that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or they
would die.
`The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave voice, `until all the
jurymen are back in their proper places-- ALL,' he repeated with great
emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put the
Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its tail
about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got it out
again, and put it right; `not that it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I
should think it would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the
other.'
As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being upset,
and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to them, they
set to work very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except
the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with its
mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the court.
`What do you know about this business?' the King said to Alice.
`Nothing,' said Alice.
`Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.
`Nothing whatever,' said Alice.
`That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were just
beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit
interrupted: `UNimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a
very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
`UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on to
himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant-- unimportant--
important--' as if he were trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some `unimportant.' Alice
could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; `but it
doesn't matter a bit,' she thought to herself.
At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in his
note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out from his book, `Rule Forty-
two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'
Everybody looked at Alice.
`I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.
`You are,' said the King.
`Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.
`Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: `besides, that's not a regular
rule: you invented it just now.'
`It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.
`Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.
The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. `Consider your
verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.
`There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said the White
Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has just been picked up.'
`What's in it?' said the Queen.
`I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, `but it seems to be a letter,
written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'
`It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was written to nobody,
which isn't usual, you know.'
`Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.
`It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact, there's nothing
written on the OUTSIDE.' He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added
`It isn't a letter, after all: it's a set of verses.'
`Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of they jurymen.
`No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the queerest thing
about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)
`He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. (The jury all
brightened up again.)
`Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and they can't
prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'
`If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the matter worse. You
MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like
an honest man.'
There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the first really clever
thing the King had said that day.
`That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.
`It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. `Why, you don't even know what
they're about!'
`Read them,' said the King.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. `Where shall I begin, please your
Majesty?' he asked.
`Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on till you come to
the end: then stop.'
These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--
`They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.
