the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the
doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts
of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult
game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the
while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen
was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting `Off with
his head!' or `Off with her head!' about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any
dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
`and then,' thought she, `what would become of me? They're dreadfully
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
left alive!'
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she
could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance
in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a minute
or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the
Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'
`How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. `It's no use speaking
to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at least one of them.' In
another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her
flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had
someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of
it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
`I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a complaining
tone, `and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak--and
they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are,
nobody attends to them--and you've no idea how confusing it is all the
things being alive; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next
walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have croqueted
the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine
coming!'
`How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.
`Not at all,' said Alice: `she's so extremely--' Just then she noticed that the
Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, `--likely to win, that
it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
The Queen smiled and passed on.
`Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking at
the Cat's head with great curiosity.
`It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: `allow me to introduce it.'
`I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: `however, it may kiss my
hand if it likes.'
`I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.
`Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me like that!' He
got behind Alice as he spoke.
`A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. `I've read that in some book, but I
don't remember where.'
`Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called the
Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear! I wish you would have
this cat removed!'
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. `Off
with his head!' she said, without even looking round.
`I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going
on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion.
She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for
having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of things at all, as
the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her
turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which
seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with
the other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to the
other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of
way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was
over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: `but it doesn't matter
much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches are gone from this side of the
ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape
again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a
large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the
executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while
all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the
question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they all
spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they
said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless
there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a
thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less
than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the Duchess:
you'd better ask HER about it.'
`She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: `fetch
her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had come back with the Dutchess, it had entirely disappeared; so
the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while
the rest of the party went back to the game.
CHAPTER IX The Mock Turtle's Story
`You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!' said
the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they
walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to
herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage
when they met in the kitchen.
`When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone
though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very
well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,'
she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule,
`and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes them
bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-
tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy
about it, you know--'
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little startled
when she heard her voice close to her ear. `You're thinking about
something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just
now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'
`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.
`Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a moral, if only you can
find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the Duchess
was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right height to
rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin.
However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
`The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up
the conversation a little.
`'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love,
that makes the world go round!"'
`Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody minding
their own business!'
`Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her
sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, `and the moral of THAT
is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves."'
`How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.
`I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,' the
Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm doubtful about the
temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'
`HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have
the experiment tried.
`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the
moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'
`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.
`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you have of putting
things!'
`It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.
`Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours."'
`Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark,
`it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'
`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of that is--"Be
what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"Never
imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others
that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you
had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'
`I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, `if I had it
written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'
`That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in a
pleased tone.
`Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said Alice.
`Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you a present of
everything I've said as yet.'
`A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't give birthday
presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out loud.
`Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little
chin.
`I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a
little worried.
`Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; and the
m--'
But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even in
the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the arm that was linked into
hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front
of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
`A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
`Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground
as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, and that in about half
no time! Take your choice!'
The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.
`Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too
much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the
croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were
resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back
to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would
cost them their lives.
All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with the
other players, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with her head!'
Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of
course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half
an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the
King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of
execution.
Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, `Have you
seen the Mock Turtle yet?'
`No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'
`It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.
`I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.
`Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his history,'
As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to the
company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come, THAT'S a good thing!'
she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of
executions the Queen had ordered.
They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (IF you
don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) `Up, lazy thing!' said the
Queen, `and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his
history. I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered'; and
she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like
the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite as
safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till she
was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!' said the Gryphon, half to
itself, half to Alice.
`What IS the fun?' said Alice.
`Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they never executes
nobody, you know. Come on!'
`Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly after
it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'
They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance,
sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied him
deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon
answered, very nearly in the same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that:
he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'
So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full
of tears, but said nothing.
`This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to know your
history, she do.'
`I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: `sit down, both
of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'
So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to
herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But she
waited patiently.
`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was a real Turtle.'
These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an
occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant
heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and
saying, `Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could not help
thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.
`When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though
still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to school in the sea. The
master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'
`Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.
`We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle
angrily: `really you are very dull!'
`You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,'
added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice,
who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock
Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in
these words:
`Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'
`I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.
`You did,' said the Mock Turtle.
`Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again.
The Mock Turtle went on.
`We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'
`I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be so proud as all
that.'
`With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
`Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.'
`And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.
`Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.
`Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in a tone
of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, "French,
music, AND WASHING--extra."'
`You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the bottom of the
sea.'
`I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. `I only took
the regular course.'
