It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded with the
birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo, a
Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious creatures. Alice led the way,
and the whole party swam to the shore.
CHAPTER III A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale
They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the
birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to
them, and all dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they had a
consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural to
Alice to find herself talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them
all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who at
last turned sulky, and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know
better'; and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, and,
as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among them,
called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! I'LL soon make you dry
enough!' They all sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the
middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would
catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
`Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all ready? This is
the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! "William the
Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to
by the English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much
accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
Mercia and Northumbria--"'
`Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.
`I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: `Did you
speak?'
`Not I!' said the Lory hastily.
`I thought you did,' said the Mouse. `--I proceed. "Edwin and Morcar, the
earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, the
patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable--"'
`Found WHAT?' said the Duck.
`Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: `of course you know what "it"
means.'
`I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said the Duck:
`it's generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop
find?'
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, `"--found it
advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the
crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his
Normans--" How are you getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to
Alice as it spoke.
`As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: `it doesn't seem to dry
me at all.'
`In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I move that the
meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies--'
`Speak English!' said the Eaglet. `I don't know the meaning of half those
long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do either!' And the Eaglet
bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.
`What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, `was, that
the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
`What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much to know,
but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak,
and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.
`Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.' (And, as you
might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the
Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the exact shape
doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party were placed along the
course, here and there. There was no `One, two, three, and away,' but they
began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was
not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been
running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly
called out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, and
asking, `But who has won?'
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the
position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and
all must have prizes.'
`But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices asked.
`Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger; and
the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out in a confused way,
`Prizes! Prizes!'
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her
pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got
into it), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all
round.
`But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.
`Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. `What else have you got in your
pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.
`Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.
`Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo solemnly
presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of this elegant
thimble'; and, when it had finished this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that
she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say,
she simply bowed, and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise and
confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs,
and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back. However, it
was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.
`You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, `and why it is
you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be
offended again.
`Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and
sighing.
`It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with wonder at the
Mouse's tail; `but why do you call it sad?' And she kept on puzzling about it
while the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something
like this:--
`Fury said to mouse, That met in the house, "Let us both go to law: I will
prosecute YOU. --Come, I'll take no denial;We must have a trial: For
really this morning I'venothing to do." Said the mouse to the cur, "Such a
trial,dear Sir, Withno juryor judge, would bewasting our breath." "I'll be
judge, I'll be jury," Said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole cause,
and condemn you to death."'
`You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. `What are you
thinking of?'
`I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: `you had got to the fifth bend,
I think?'
`I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
`A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking
anxiously about her. `Oh, do let me help to undo it!'
`I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up and walking
away. `You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
`I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. `But you're so easily offended, you
know!'
The Mouse only growled in reply.
`Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after it; and the
others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but the Mouse only shook its
head impatiently, and walked a little quicker.
`What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite out
of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter
`Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you never to lose YOUR temper!'
`Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the young Crab, a little snappishly. `You're
enough to try the patience of an oyster!'
`I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, addressing
nobody in particular. `She'd soon fetch it back!'
`And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about her pet:
`Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for catching mice you can't
think! And oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, she'll eat a
little bird as soon as look at it!'
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. Some of the
birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very
carefully, remarking, `I really must be getting home; the night-air doesn't
suit my throat!' and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children,
`Come away, my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various
pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.
`I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a melancholy tone.
`Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm sure she's the best cat in
the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!'
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-
spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of
footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the
Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.
CHAPTER IV The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill
It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously
about as it went, as if it had lost something; and she heard it muttering to
itself `The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and
whiskers! She'll get me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN
I have dropped them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was
looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-
naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to be
seen--everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool, and
the great hall, with the glass table and the little door, had vanished
completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, and called
out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE you doing out
here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan!
Quick, now!' And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in
the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it had
made.
`He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran. `How
surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him his
fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' As she said this, she came upon
a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the
name `W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and
hurried upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, and
be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and gloves.
`How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going messages for a
rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!' And she began
fancying the sort of thing that would happen: `"Miss Alice! Come here
directly, and get ready for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've
got to see that the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went
on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering people
about like that!'
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the
window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny
white kid gloves: she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just
going to leave the room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood
near the looking- glass. There was no label this time with the words
`DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips. `I know
SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself, `whenever I
eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll
make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny
little thing!'
It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: before she had
drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing against the ceiling, and
had to stoop to save her neck from being broken. She hastily put down the
bottle, saying to herself `That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any
more--As it is, I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so
much!'
Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing, and
very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there was not
even room for this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow
against the door, and the other arm curled round her head. Still she went
on growing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window,
and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more,
whatever happens. What WILL become of me?'
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she
grew no larger: still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be
no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she
felt unhappy.
`It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one wasn't
always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and
rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and
yet--it's rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN
have happened to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind
of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There
ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow
up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a sorrowful tone;
`at least there's no room to grow up any more HERE.'
`But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I am now?
That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-- but then--
always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I shouldn't like THAT!'
`Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. `How can you learn lessons in
here? Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no room at all for any
lesson-books!'
And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, and making
quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few minutes she heard a
voice outside, and stopped to listen.
`Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. `Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the
Rabbit coming to look for her, and she trembled till she shook the house,
quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large as the
Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as the
door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it, that
attempt proved a failure. Alice heard it say to itself `Then I'll go round and
get in at the window.'
`THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied she heard
the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand, and
made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a
little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she
concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or
something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are you?' And
then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then I'm here! Digging for
apples, yer honour!'
`Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. `Here! Come and help
me out of THIS!' (Sounds of more broken glass.)
`Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'
`Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it `arrum.')
`An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole
window!'
`Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'
`Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!'
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear whispers now
and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at all!' `Do as I
tell you, you coward!' and at last she spread out her hand again, and made
another snatch in the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more
sounds of broken glass. `What a number of cucumber-frames there must
be!' thought Alice. `I wonder what they'll do next! As for pulling me out of
the window, I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I don't want to stay in here
any longer!'
She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at last came a
rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a good many voices all
talking together: she made out the words: `Where's the other ladder?--
Why, I hadn't to bring but one; Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here,
lad!--Here, put 'em up at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't
reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be
particular-- Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that
loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' (a loud crash)--`Now, who
did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go down the chimney?--Nay, I
shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the
master says you're to go down the chimney!'
`Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said Alice to herself.
`Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in Bill's place for
a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!'
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and waited till
she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what sort it was) scratching
and scrambling about in the chimney close above her: then, saying to
herself `This is Bill,' she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see what would
happen next.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes Bill!' then
the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the hedge!' then silence, and
then another confusion of voices--`Hold up his head--Brandy now--Don't
choke him--How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell us all about
it!'
Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,' thought Alice,)
`Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm better now--but I'm a deal
too flustered to tell you--all I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-
in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
`So you did, old fellow!' said the others.
`We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and Alice called
out as loud as she could, `If you do. I'll set Dinah at you!'
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to herself, `I wonder
what they WILL do next! If they had any sense, they'd take the roof off.'
After a minute or two, they began moving about again, and Alice heard the
Rabbit say, `A barrowful will do, to begin with.'
`A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt, for
the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window,
and some of them hit her in the face. `I'll put a stop to this,' she said to
herself, and shouted out, `You'd better not do that again!' which produced
another dead silence.
Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little
cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her head. `If I
eat one of these cakes,' she thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my
size; and as it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I
suppose.'
