LORD DARLINGTON. My dear Lady Windermere!
LADY WINDERMERE. [Leaning back on the sofa.] You look on me as
being behind the age. - Well, I am! I should be sorry to be on the
same level as an age like this.
LORD DARLINGTON. You think the age very bad?
LADY WINDERMERE. Yes. Nowadays people seem to look on life as a
speculation. It is not a speculation. It is a sacrament. Its
ideal is Love. Its purification is sacrifice.
LORD DARLINGTON. [Smiling.] Oh, anything is better than being
sacrificed!
LADY WINDERMERE. [Leaning forward.] Don't say that.
LORD DARLINGTON. I do say it. I feel it - I know it.
[Enter PARKER C.]
PARKER. The men want to know if they are to put the carpets on the
terrace for to-night, my lady?
LADY WINDERMERE. You don't think it will rain, Lord Darlington, do
you?
LORD DARLINGTON. I won't hear of its raining on your birthday!
LADY WINDERMERE. Tell them to do it at once, Parker.
[Exit PARKER C.]
LORD DARLINGTON. [Still seated.] Do you think then - of course I
am only putting an imaginary instance - do you think that in the
case of a young married couple, say about two years married, if the
husband suddenly becomes the intimate friend of a woman of - well,
more than doubtful character - is always calling upon her, lunching
with her, and probably paying her bills - do you think that the
wife should not console herself?
LADY WINDERMERE. [Frowning] Console herself?
LORD DARLINGTON. Yes, I think she should - I think she has the
right.
LADY WINDERMERE. Because the husband is vile - should the wife be
vile also?
LORD DARLINGTON. Vileness is a terrible word, Lady Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE. It is a terrible thing, Lord Darlington.
LORD DARLINGTON. Do you know I am afraid that good people do a
great deal of harm in this world. Certainly the greatest harm they
do is that they make badness of such extraordinary importance. It
is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either
charming or tedious. I take the side of the charming, and you,
Lady Windermere, can't help belonging to them.
LADY WINDERMERE. Now, Lord Darlington. [Rising and crossing R.,
front of him.] Don't stir, I am merely going to finish my flowers.
[Goes to table R.C.]
LORD DARLINGTON. [Rising and moving chair.] And I must say I
think you are very hard on modern life, Lady Windermere. Of course
there is much against it, I admit. Most women, for instance,
nowadays, are rather mercenary.
LADY WINDERMERE. Don't talk about such people.
LORD DARLINGTON. Well then, setting aside mercenary people, who,
of course, are dreadful, do you think seriously that women who have
committed what the world calls a fault should never be forgiven?
LADY WINDERMERE. [Standing at table.] I think they should never
be forgiven.
LORD DARLINGTON. And men? Do you think that there should be the
same laws for men as there are for women?
LADY WINDERMERE. Certainly!
LORD DARLINGTON. I think life too complex a thing to be settled by
these hard and fast rules.
LADY WINDERMERE. If we had 'these hard and fast rules,' we should
find life much more simple.
LORD DARLINGTON. You allow of no exceptions?
LADY WINDERMERE. None!
LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, what a fascinating Puritan you are, Lady
Windermere!
LADY WINDERMERE. The adjective was unnecessary, Lord Darlington.
LORD DARLINGTON. I couldn't help it. I can resist everything
except temptation.
LADY WINDERMERE. You have the modern affectation of weakness.
LORD DARLINGTON. [Looking at her.] It's only an affectation, Lady
Windermere.
[Enter PARKER C.]
PARKER. The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle.
[Enter the DUCHESS OF BERWICK and LADY AGATHA CARLISLE C.]
[Exit PARKER C.]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. [Coming down C., and shaking hands.] Dear
Margaret, I am so pleased to see you. You remember Agatha, don't
you? [Crossing L.C.] How do you do, Lord Darlington? I won't let
you know my daughter, you are far too wicked.
LORD DARLINGTON. Don't say that, Duchess. As a wicked man I am a
complete failure. Why, there are lots of people who say I have
never really done anything wrong in the whole course of my life.
Of course they only say it behind my back.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Isn't he dreadful? Agatha, this is Lord
Darlington. Mind you don't believe a word he says. [LORD
DARLINGTON crosses R.C.] No, no tea, thank you, dear. [Crosses
and sits on sofa.] We have just had tea at Lady Markby's. Such
bad tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I wasn't at all
surprised. Her own son-in-law supplies it. Agatha is looking
forward so much to your ball to-night, dear Margaret.
LADY WINDERMERE. [Seated L.C.] Oh, you mustn't think it is going
to be a ball, Duchess. It is only a dance in honour of my
birthday. A small and early.
LORD DARLINGTON. [Standing L.C.] Very small, very early, and very
select, Duchess.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. [On sofa L.] Of course it's going to be
select. But we know THAT, dear Margaret, about YOUR house. It is
really one of the few houses in London where I can take Agatha, and
where I feel perfectly secure about dear Berwick. I don't know
what society is coming to. The most dreadful people seem to go
everywhere. They certainly come to my parties - the men get quite
furious if one doesn't ask them. Really, some one should make a
stand against it.
LADY WINDERMERE. I will, Duchess. I will have no one in my house
about whom there is any scandal.
LORD DARLINGTON. [R.C.] Oh, don't say that, Lady Windermere. I
should never be admitted! [Sitting.]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Oh, men don't matter. With women it is
different. We're good. Some of us are, at least. But we are
positively getting elbowed into the corner. Our husbands would
really forget our existence if we didn't nag at them from time to
time, just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right to do
so.
LORD DARLINGTON. It's a curious thing, Duchess, about the game of
marriage - a game, by the way, that is going out of fashion - the
wives hold all the honours, and invariably lose the odd trick.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. The odd trick? Is that the husband, Lord
Darlington?
LORD DARLINGTON. It would be rather a good name for the modern
husband.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly depraved
you are!
LADY WINDERMERE. Lord Darlington is trivial.
LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, don't say that, Lady Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE. Why do you TALK so trivially about life, then?
LORD DARLINGTON. Because I think that life is far too important a
thing ever to talk seriously about it. [Moves up C.]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK. What does he mean? Do, as a concession to my
poor wits, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really
mean.
LORD DARLINGTON. [Coming down back of table.] I think I had
better not, Duchess. Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found
out. Good-bye! [Shakes hands with DUCHESS.] And now - [goes up
stage] Lady Windermere, good-bye. I may come to-night, mayn't I?
Do let me come.
LADY WINDERMERE. [Standing up stage with LORD DARLINGTON.] Yes,
certainly. But you are not to say foolish, insincere things to
people.
LORD DARLINGTON. [Smiling.] Ah! you are beginning to reform me.
It is a dangerous thing to reform any one, Lady Windermere. [Bows,
