assured him that he looked better and stronger than he did when she saw
him last. I ， in the meantime， paid attention to his good lady. The
old man seemed quite in spirits ； and as I could not help admiring the
beauty of the walnut-trees， which formed such an agreeable shade over
our heads ， he began ， though with some little difficulty ， to tell
us their history. "As to the oldest ，" said he ， "we do not know who
planted it，—— some say one clergyman ， and some another ： but the
younger one ， there behind us， is exactly the age of my wife， fifty
years old next October； her father planted it in the morning ， and in
the evening she came into the world. My wife's father was my predecessor
here， and I cannot tell you how fond he was of that tree ； and it is
fully as dear to me. Under the shade of that very tree， upon a log of
wood， my wife was seated knitting， when I ， a poor student ， came
into this court for the first time， just seven and twenty years ago."
Charlotte inquired for his daughter. He said she was gone with Herr Schmidt
to the meadows， and was with the haymakers. The old man then resumed
his story ， and told us how his predecessor had taken a fancy to him ，
as had his daughter likewise； and how he had become first his curate ，
and subsequently his successor. He had scarcely finished his story when
his daughter returned through the garden， accompanied by the above-mentioned
Herr Schmidt. She welcomed Charlotte affectionately ， and I confess I
was much taken with her appearance. She was a lively-looking， good-humoured
brunette， quite competent to amuse one for a short time in the country.
Her lover （for such Herr Schmidt evidently appeared to be） was a polite，
reserved personage， and would not join our conversation， notwithstanding
all Charlotte's endeavours to draw him out. I was much annoyed at observing，
by his countenance， that his silence did not arise from want of talent，
but from caprice and ill-humour. This subsequently became very evident，
when we set out to take a walk， and Frederica joining Charlotte， with
whom I was talking， the worthy gentleman's face， which was naturally
rather sombre ， became so dark and angry that Charlotte was obliged to
touch my arm， and remind me that I was talking too much to Frederica.
Nothing distresses me more than to see men torment each other ； particularly
when in the flower of their age ， in the very season of pleasure ， they
waste their few short days of sunshine in quarrels and disputes ， and
only perceive their error when it is too late to repair it. This thought
dwelt upon my mind； and in the evening ， when we returned to the vicar's，
and were sitting round the table with our bread end milk， the conversation
turned on the joys and sorrows of the world ， I could not resist the
temptation to inveigh bitterly against ill-humour. "We are apt，" said
I ， "to complain ， but - with very little cause ， that our happy days
are few ， and our evil days many. If our hearts were always disposed
to receive the benefits Heaven sends us ， we should acquire strength
to support evil when it comes." "But，" observed the vicar's wife ， "we
cannot always command our tempers ， so much depends upon the constitution
： when the body suffers， the mind is ill at ease." "I acknowledge that，
" I continued ； "but we must consider such a disposition in the light
of a disease， and inquire whether there is no remedy for it." "I should
be glad to hear one ，" said Charlotte： "at least， I think very much
depends upon ourselves； I know it is so with me. When anything annoys
me， and disturbs my temper ， I hasten into the garden ， hum a couple
of country dances ， and it is all right with me directly." "That is what
I meant ，" I replied ； "ill-humour resembles indolence： it is natural
to us ； but if once we have courage to exert ourselves ， we find our
work run fresh from our hands ， and we experience in the activity from
which we shrank a real enjoyment." Frederica listened very attentively
： and the young man objected ， that we were not masters of ourselves，
and still less so of our feelings. "The question is about a disagreeable
feeling ，" I added ， "from which every one would willingly escape ，
but none know their own power without trial. Invalids are glad to consult
physicians， and submit to the most scrupulous regimen， the most nauseous
medicines ， in order to recover their health." I observed that the good
old man inclined his head ， and exerted himself to hear our discourse
； so I raised my voice ， and addressed myself directly to him. We preach
against a great many crimes ，" I observed， "but I never remember a sermon
delivered against ill-humour." "That may do very well for your town clergymen，
" said he ： "country people are never ill-humoured ； though ， indeed，
it might be useful， occasionally ， to my wife for instance， and the
judge." We all laughed， as did he likewise very cordially， till he fell
into a fit of coughing， which interrupted our conversation for a time.
Herr Schmidt resumed the subject. "You call ill humour a crime，" he remarked，
"but I think you use too strong a term." "Not at all，" I replied ， "if
that deserves the name which is so pernicious to ourselves and our neighbours.
Is it not enough that we want the power to make one another happy ， must
we deprive each other of the pleasure which we can all make for ourselves？
Show me the man who has the courage to hide his ill-humour， who bears
the whole burden himself， without disturbing the peace of those around
him. No ： ill-humour arises from an inward consciousness of our own want
of merit， from a discontent which ever accompanies that envy which foolish
vanity engenders. We see people happy ， whom we have not made so ， and
cannot endure the sight." Charlotte looked at me with a smile ； she observed
the emotion with which I spoke： and a tear in the eyes of Frederica stimulated
me to proceed. "Woe unto those，" I said， "who use their power over a
human heart to destroy the simple pleasures it would naturally enjoy！
All the favours ， all the attentions ， in the world cannot compensate
for the loss of that happiness which a cruel tyranny has destroyed." My
heart was full as I spoke. A recollection of many things which had happened
pressed upon my mind， and filled my eyes with tears. "We should daily
repeat to ourselves ，" I exclaimed ， "that we should not interfere with
our friends ， unless to leave them in possession of their own joys ，
and increase their happiness by sharing it with them！ But when their
souls are tormented by a violent passion， or their hearts rent with grief，
is it in your power to afford them the slightest consolation？
"And when the last fatal malady seizes the being whose untimely grave
you have prepared ， when she lies languid and exhausted before you ，
her dim eyes raised to heaven ， and the damp of death upon her pallid
brow， there you stand at her bedside like a condemned criminal ， with
the bitter feeling that your whole fortune could not save her ； and the
agonising thought wrings you， that all your efforts are powerless to
impart even a moment's strength to the departing soul ， or quicken her
with a transitory consolation."
At these words the remembrance of a similar scene at which I had been
once present fell with full force upon my heart. I buried my face in my
handkerchief， and hastened from the room ， and was only recalled to
my recollection by Charlotte's voice， who reminded me that it was time
to return home. With what tenderness she chid me on the way for the too
eager interest I took in everything ！ She declared it would do me injury，
and that I ought to spare myself. Yes ， my angel ！ I will do so for
your sake.
JULY 6. She is still with her dying friend， and is still the same
bright， beautiful creature whose presence softens pain ， and sheds happiness
around whichever way she turns. She went out yesterday with her little
sisters ： I knew it， and went to meet them； and we walked together.
In about an hour and a half we returned to the town. We stopped at the
spring I am so fond of， and which is now a thousand times dearer to me
than ever. Charlotte seated herself upon the low wall ， and we gathered
about her. I looked around， and recalled the time when my heart was unoccupied
and free. "Dear fountain！" I said， "since that time I have no more come
to enjoy cool repose by thy fresh stream： I have passed thee with careless
steps ， and scarcely bestowed a glance upon thee." I looked down ， and
observed Charlotte's little sister， Jane ， coming up the steps with
a glass of water. I turned toward Charlotte ， and I felt her influence
over me. Jane at the moment approached with the glass. Her sister ， Marianne，
wished to take it from her. "No ！" cried the child ， with the sweetest
expression of face， "Charlotte must drink first."
The affection and simplicity with which this was uttered so charmed
me， that I sought to express my feelings by catching up the child and
kissing her heartily. She was frightened， and began to cry. "You should
not do that ，" said Charlotte： I felt perplexed. "Come， Jane ，" she
continued ， taking her hand， and leading her down the steps again ，
"it is no matter： wash yourself quickly in the fresh water." I stood
and watched them； and when I saw the little dear rubbing her cheeks with
her wet hands ， in full belief that all the impurities contracted from
my ugly beard would be washed off by the miraculous water ， and how，
though Charlotte said it would do ， she continued still to wash with
all her might ， as though she thought too much were better than too little，
I assure you， Wilhelm， I never attended a baptism with greater reverence
； and， when Charlotte came up from the well ， I could have prostrated
myself as before the prophet of an Eastern nation.
In the evening I would not resist telling the story to a person who，
I thought ， possessed some natural feeling ， because he was a man of
understanding. But what a mistake I made. He maintained it was very wrong
of Charlotte， that we should not deceive children， that such things
occasioned countless mistakes and superstitions ， from which we were
bound to protect the young. It occurred to me then， that this very man
had been baptised only a week before； so I said nothing further， but
maintained the justice of my own convictions. We should deal with children
as God deals with us， we are happiest under the influence of innocent
delusions.
JULY 8. What a child is man that he should be so solicitous about
a look！ What a child is man！ We had been to Walheim ： the ladies went
in a carriage ； but during our walk I thought I saw in Charlotte's dark
eyes—— I am a fool—— but forgive me ！ you should see them，—— those
eyes. —— However， to be brief（for my own eyes are weighed down with
sleep ）， you must know， when the ladies stepped into their carriage
again ， young W. Seldstadt ， Andran ， and I were standing about the
door. They are a merry set of fellows ， and they were all laughing and
joking together. I watched Charlotte's eyes. They wandered from one to
the other ； but they did not light on me ， on me， who stood there motionless，
and who saw nothing but her ！ My heart bade her a thousand times adieu，
but she noticed me not. The carriage drove off； and my eyes filled with
tears. I looked after her ： suddenly I saw Charlotte's bonnet leaning
out of the window ， and she turned to look back， was it at me ？ My
dear friend ， I know not ； and in this uncertainty I find consolation.
Perhaps she turned to look at me. Perhaps ！ Good-night —— what a child
I am！
JULY lO. You should see how foolish I look in company when her name
is mentioned， particularly when I am asked plainly how I like her. How
I like her！ I detest the phrase. What sort of creature must he be who
merely liked Charlotte， whose whole heart and senses were not entirely
absorbed by her. Like her ！ Some one asked me lately how I liked Ossian.
JULY 11. Madame M —— is very ill. I pray for her recovery ， because
Charlotte shares my sufferings. I see her occasionally at my friend's
house ， and to-day she has told me the strangest circumstance. Old M
—— is a covetous， miserly fellow ， who has long worried and annoyed
the poor lady sadly ； but she has borne her afflictions patiently. A
few days ago， when the physician informed us that her recovery was hopeless，
she sent for her husband（Charlotte was present ）， and addressed him
thus： "I have something to confess ， which， after my decease ， may
occasion trouble and confusion. I have hitherto conducted your household
as frugally and economically as possible， but you must pardon me for
having defrauded you for thirty years. At the commencement of our married
life， you allowed a small sum for the wants of the kitchen ， and the
other household expenses. When our establishment increased and our property
grew larger ， I could not persuade you to increase the weekly allowance
in proportion ： in short ， you know ， that ， when our wants were greatest，
you required me to supply everything with seven florins a week. I took
the money from you without an observation ， but made up the weekly deficiency
from the money-chest； as nobody would suspect your wife of robbing the
household bank. But I have wasted nothing ， and should have been content
to meet my eternal Judge without this confession， if she ， upon whom
the management of your establishment will devolve after my decease， would
be free from embarrassment upon your insisting that the allowance made
to me ， your former wife ， was sufficient."
I talked with Charlotte of the inconceivable manner in which men allow
themselves to be blinded； how any one could avoid suspecting some deception，
when seven florins only were allowed to defray expenses twice as great.
But I have myself known people who believed ， without any visible astonishment，
that their house possessed the prophet's never-failing cruse of oil.
JULY 13. No ， I am not deceived. In her dark eyes I read a genuine
interest in me and in my fortunes. Yes， I feel it； and I may believe
my own heart which tells me —— dare I say it？—— dare I pronounce
the divine words？—— that she loves me！
That she loves me ！ How the idea exalts me in my own eyes！ And，
as you can understand my feelings ， I may say to you ， how I honour
myself since she loves me ！
Is this presumption ， or is it a consciousness of the truth？ I do
not know a man able to supplant me in the heart of Charlotte； and yet
when she speaks of her betrothed with so much warmth and affection， I
feel like the soldier who has been stripped of his honours and titles ，
and deprived of his sword.
JULY 16. How my heart beats when by accident I touch her finger ，
or my feet meet hers under the table！ I draw back as if from a furnace
； but a secret force impels me forward again ， and my senses become
disordered. Her innocent， unconscious heart never knows what agony these
little familiarities inflict upon me. Sometimes when we are talking she
Iays her hand upon mine ， and in the eagerness of conversation comes
closer to me， and her balmy breath reaches my lips ，—— when I feel
as if lightning had struck me ， and that I could sink into the earth.
And yet ， Wilhelm， with all this heavenly confidence，—— if I know
myself， and should ever dare —— you understand me. No， no ！ my heart
is not so corrupt ， it is weak ， weak enough but is not that a degree
of corruption ？
She is to me a sacred being. All passion is still in her presence
： I cannot express my sensations when I am near her. I feel as if my
soul beat in every nerve of my body. There is a melody which she plays
on the piano with angelic skill ，—— so simple is it， and yet so spiritual！
It is her favourite air ； and， when she plays the first note， all pain，
care， and sorrow disappear from me in a moment.
I believe every word that is said of the magic of ancient music. How
her simple song enchants me ！ Sometimes， when I am ready to commit suicide，
she sings that air； and instantly the gloom and madness which hung over
me are dispersed， and I breathe freely again.
JULY 18. Wilhelm， what is the world to our hearts without love ？
What is a magic-lantern without light ？ You have but to kindle the flame
within， and the brightest figures shine on the white wall； and， if
love only show us fleeting shadows， we are yet happy ， when ， like
mere children ， we behold them ， and are transported with the splendid
phantoms. I have not been able to see Charlotte to-day. I was prevented
by company from which I could not disengage myself. What was to be done？
I sent my servant to her house， that I might at least see somebody to-day
who had been near her. Oh ， the impatience with which I waited for his
return！ the joy with which I welcomed him！ I should certainly have caught
him in my arms， and kissed him ， if I had not been ashamed.
It is said that the Bonona stone， when placed in the sun ， attracts
the rays， and for a time appears luminous in the dark. So was it with
me and this servant. The idea that Charlotte's eyes had dwelt on his countenance，
his cheek ， his very apparel ， endeared them all inestimably to me，
so that at the moment I would not have parted from him for a thousand
crowns. His presence made me so happy ！ Beware of laughing at me ， Wilhelm.
Can that be a delusion which makes us happy ？
JULY 19. "I shall see her today ！" I exclaim with delight， when
I rise in the morning ， and look out with gladness of heart at the bright，
beautiful sun. "I shall see her today ！" And then I have no further wish
to form ： all， all is included in that one thought.
JULY 2O. I cannot assent to your proposal that I should accompany
the ambassador to _______. I do not love subordination； and we all know
that he is a rough， disagreeable person to be connected with. You say
my mother wishes me to be employed. I could not help laughing at that.
Am I not sufficiently employed？ And is it not in reality the same， whether
I shell peas or count lentils ？ The world runs on from one folly to another
； and the man who， solely from regard to the opinion of others， and
without any wish or necessity of his own， toils after gold ， honour ，
or any other phantom， is no better than a fool.
JULY 24. You insist so much on my not neglecting my drawing ， that
it would be as well for me to say nothing as to confess how little I have
lately done.
I never felt happier， I never understood nature better ， even down
to the veriest stem or smallest blade of grass； and yet I am unable to
express myself： my powers of execution are so weak ， everything seems
to swim and float before me ， so that I cannot make a clear， bold outline.
But I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model.
I shall try ， if this state of mind continues much longer， and will
take to modelling ， if I only knead dough.
I have commenced Charlotte's portrait three times ， and have as often
disgraced myself. This is the more annoying ， as I was formerly very
happy in taking likenesses. I have since sketched her profile ， and must
content myself with that.
JULY 25. Yes， dear Charlotte ！ I will order and arrange everything.
Only give me more commissions ， the more the better. One thing ， however，
I must request： use no more writing-sand with the dear notes you send
me. Today I raised your letter hastily to my lips ， and it set my teeth
on edge.
JULY 26. I have often determined not to see her so frequently. But
who could keep such a resolution？ Every day I am exposed to the temptation，
and promise faithfully that to-morrow I will really stay away ： but，
when tomorrow comes ， I find some irresistible reason for seeing her
； and， before I can account for it， I am with her again. Either she
has said on the previous evening "You will be sure to call to-morrow，
" —— and who could stay away then ？——or she gives me some commission，
and I find it essential to take her the answer in person； or the day
is fine ， and I walk to Walheim； and， when I am there， it is only
half a league farther to her. I am within the charmed atmosphere， and
soon find myself at her side. My grandmother used to tell us a story of
a mountain of loadstone. When any vessels came near it， they were instantly
deprived of their ironwork： the nails flew to the mountain ， and the
unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks.
JULY 30. Albert is arrived， and I must take my departure. Were he
the best and noblest of men ， and I in every respect his inferior， I
could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being. Possession！
—— enough ， Wilhelm： her betrothed is here，—— a fine ， worthy
fellow， whom one cannot help liking. Fortunately I was not present at
their meeting. It would have broken my heart！ And he is so considerate
： he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence. Heaven reward him
for it！ I must love him for the respect with which he treats her. He
shows a regard for me ， but for this I suspect I am more indebted to
Charlotte than to his own fancy for me. Women have a delicate tact in
such matters， and it should be so. They cannot always succeed in keeping
two rivals on terms with each other ； but， when they do ， they are
the only gainers.
I cannot help esteeming Albert. The coolness of his temper contrasts
strongly with the impetuosity of mine ， which I cannot conceal. He has
a great deal of feeling ， and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses
in Charlotte. He is free from ill-humour， which you know is the fault
I detest most.
He regards me as a man of sense ； and my attachment to Charlotte ，
and the interest I take in all that concerns her， augment his triumph
and his love. I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her
with some little jealousies ； as I know， that ， were I in his place，
I should not be entirely free from such sensations.
But ， be that as it may， my pleasure with Charlotte is over. Call
it folly or infatuation ， what signifies a name？ The thing speaks for
itself. Before Albert came， I knew all that I know now. I knew I could
make no pretensions to her， nor did I offer any， that is， as far as
it was possible ， in the presence of so much loveliness， not to pant
for its enjoyment. And now， behold me like a silly fellow， staring with
astonishment when another comes in， and deprives me of my love.
I bite my lips， and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to
be resigned ， because there is no help for it. Let me escape from the
yoke of such silly subterfuges！ I ramble through the woods ； and when
I return to Charlotte ， and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer-house
in the garden ， I am unable to bear it ， behave like a fool ， and commit
a thousand extravagances. "For Heaven's sake，" said Charlotte today，
"let us have no more scenes like those of last night！ You terrify me
when you are so violent." Between ourselves ， I am always away now when
he visits her ： and I feel delighted when I find her alone.
AUGUST 8. Believe me， dear Wilhelm ， I did not allude to you when
I spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate.
I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment. But in
fact you are right. I only suggest one objection. In this world one is
seldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives. There are
as many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature
between an aquiline nose and a flat one.
You will， therefore， permit me to concede your entire argument，
and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma.
Your position is this ， I hear you say ： "Either you have hopes
of obtaining Charlotte， or you have none. Well ， in the first case，
pursue your course， and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes. In
the second， be a man ， and shake off a miserable passion， which will
enervate and destroy you." My dear friend ， this is well and easily said.
But would you require a wretched being， whose life is slowly wasting
under a lingering disease ， to despatch himself at once by the stroke
of a dagger ？ Does not the very disorder which consumes his strength
deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance？
You may answer me ， if you please， with a similar analogy ， "Who
would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the periling of life by doubt
and procrastination ！" But I know not if I am right， and let us leave
these comparisons.
Enough！ There are moments， Wilhelm， when I could rise up and shake
it all off， and when ， if I only knew where to go ， I could fly from
this place.
THE SAME EVENING.
My diary， which I have for some time neglected ， came before me
