I was momentarily preoccupied by the way my body moved. The instant I'd considered standing erect, I
was already straight. There was no brief fragment of time in which the action occurred; change was
instantaneous, almost as if there was no movement at all.
I continued to stare at Edward's face, motionless again.
He moved slowly around the table—each step taking nearly half a second, each step flowing sinuously
like river water weaving over smooth stones—his hand still outstretched.
I watched the grace of his advance, absorbing it with my new eyes.
"Bella?" he asked in a low, calming tone, but the worry in his voice layered my name with tension.
I could not answer immediately, lost as I was in the velvet folds of his voice. It was the most perfect
symphony, a symphony in one instrument, an instrument more profound than any created by man___
"Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine."
Everything? My mind spun out, spiraling back to my last human hour. Already, the memory seemed dim,
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like I was watching through a thick, dark veil—because my human eyes had been half blind. Everything
had been so blurred.
When he said everything was fine, did that include Renesmee? Where was she? With Rosalie? I tried to
remember her face—I knew that she had been beautiful—but it was irritating to try to see through the
human memories. Her face was shrouded in darkness, so poorly lit___
What about Jacob? Was he fine? Did my long-suffering best friend hate me now? Had he gone back to
Sam's pack? Seth and Leah, too?
Were the Cullens safe, or had my transformation ignited the war with the pack? Did Edward's blanket
assurance cover all of that? Or was he just trying to calm me?
And Charlie? What would I tell him now? He must have called while I was burning. What had they told
him? What did he think had happened to me?
As I deliberated for one small piece of a second over which question to ask first, Edward reached out
tentatively and stroked his fingertips across my cheek. Smooth as satin, soft as a feather, and now exactly
matched to the temperature of my skin.
His touch seemed to sweep beneath the surface of my skin, right through the bones of my face. The
feeling was tingly, electric—it jolted through my bones, down my spine, and trembled in my stomach.
Wait,I thought as the trembling blossomed into a warmth, a yearning. Wasn't I supposed to lose this?
Wasn't giving up this feeling a part of the bargain?
I was a newborn vampire. The dry, scorching ache in my throat gave proof to that. And I knew what
being a newborn entailed. Human emotions and longings would come back to me later in some form, but
I'd accepted that I would not feel them in the beginning. Only thirst. That was the deal, the price. I'd
agreed to pay it.
But as Edward's hand curled to the shape of my face like satin-covered steel, desire raced through my
dried-out veins, singing from my scalp to my toes.
He arched one perfect eyebrow, waiting for me to speak.
I threw my arms around him.
Again, it was like there was no movement. One moment I stood straight and still as a statue; in the same
instant, he was in my arms.
Warm—or at least, that was my perception. With the sweet, delicious scent that I'd never been able to
really take in with my dull human senses, but that was one hundred percent Edward. I pressed my face
into his smooth chest.
And then he shifted his weight uncomfortably. Leaned away from my embrace. I stared up at his face,
confused and frightened by the rejection.
"Urn… carefully, Bella. Ow."
I yanked my arms away, folding them behind my back as soon as I understood.
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I was too strong.
"Oops," I mouthed.
He smiled the kind of smile that would have stopped my heart if it were still beating.
"Don't panic, love," he said, lifting his hand to touch my lips, parted in horror. "You're just a bit stronger
than I am for the moment."
My eyebrows pushed together. I'd known this, too, but it felt more surreal than any other part of this
ultimately surreal moment. I was stronger than Edward. I'd made him say ow.
His hand stroked my cheek again, and I all but forgot my distress as another wave of desire rippled
through my motionless body.
These emotions were so much stronger than I was used to that it was hard to stick to one train of
thought despite the extra room in my head. Each new sensation overwhelmed me. I remembered Edward
saying once—his voice in my head a weak shadow compared to the crystal, musical clarity I was hearing
now—that his kind, our kind, were easily distracted. I could see why.
I made a concerted effort to focus. There was something I needed to say. The most important thing.
Very carefully, so carefully that the movement was actually discernible, I brought my right arm out from
behind my back and raised my hand to touch his cheek. I refused to let myself be sidetracked by the
pearly color of my hand or by the smooth silk of his skin or by the charge that zinged in my fingertips.
I stared into his eyes and heard my own voice for the first time.
"I love you," I said, but it sounded like singing. My voice rang and shimmered like a bell.
His answering smile dazzled me more than it ever had when I was human; I could really see it now.
"As I love you," he told me.
He took my face between his hands and leaned his face to mine—slow enough to remind me to be
careful. He
kissed me, soft as a whisper at first, and then suddenly stronger, fiercer. I tried to remember to be gentle
with him, but it was hard work to remember anything in the onslaught of sensation, hard to hold on to any
coherent thoughts.
It was like he'd never kissed me—like this was our first kiss. And, in truth, he'd never kissed me this
way before.
It almost made me feel guilty. Surely I was in breach of the contract. I couldn't be allowed to have this,
too.
Though I didn't need oxygen, my breathing sped, raced as fast as it had when I was burning. This was a
different kind of fire.
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Someone cleared his throat. Emmett. I recognized the deep sound at once, joking and annoyed at the
same time.
I'd forgotten we weren't alone. And then I realized that the way I was curved around Edward now was
not exactly polite for company.
Embarrassed, I half-stepped away in another instantaneous movement.
Edward chuckled and stepped with me, keeping his arms tight around my waist. His face was glowing
—like a white flame burned from behind his diamond skin.
I took an unnecessary breath to settle myself.
How different this kissing was! I read his expression as I compared the indistinct human memories to this
clear, intense feeling. He looked… a little smug.
"You've been holding out on me," I accused in my singing voice, my eyes narrowing a tiny bit.
He laughed, radiant with relief that it was all over—the fear, the pain, the uncertainties, the waiting, all of
it behind us now. "It was sort of necessary at the time," he reminded me. "Now it's your turn to not break
me." He laughed again.
I frowned as I considered that, and then Edward was not the only one laughing.
Carlisle stepped around Emmett and walked toward me swiftly; his eyes were only slightly wary, but
Jasper shadowed his footsteps. I'd never seen Carlisle's face before either, not really. I had an odd urge
to blink—like I was staring at the sun.
"How do you feel, Bella?" Carlisle asked.
I considered that for a sixty-fourth of a second.
"Overwhelmed. There's so much. …" I trailed off, listening to the bell-tone of my voice again.
"Yes, it can be quite confusing."
I nodded one fast, jerky bob. "But I feel like me. Sort of. I didn't expect that."
Edward's arms squeezed lightly around my waist. "I told you so," he whispered.
"You are quite controlled," Carlisle mused. "More so than / expected, even with the time you had to
prepare yourself mentally for this."
I thought about the wild mood swings, the difficulty concentrating, and whispered, "I'm not sure about
that."
He nodded seriously, and then his jeweled eyes glittered with interest. "It seems like we did something
right with the morphine this time. Tell me, what do you remember of the transformation process?"
I hesitated, intensely aware of Edward's breath brushing against my cheek, sending whispers of
electricity through my skin.
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"Everything was… very dim before. I remember the baby couldn't breathe___"
I looked at Edward, momentarily frightened by the memory.
"Renesmee is healthy and well," he promised, a gleam I'd never seen before in his eyes. He said her
name with an understated fervor. A reverence. The way devout people talked about their gods. "What
do you remember after that?"
I focused on my poker face. I'd never been much of a liar. "It's hard to remember. It was so dark
before. And then… I opened my eyes and I could see everything"
"Amazing," Carlisle breathed, his eyes alight.
Chagrin washed through me, and I waited for the heat to burn in my cheeks and give me away. And then
I remembered that I would never blush again. Maybe that would protect Edward from the truth.
I'd have to find a way to tip off Carlisle, though. Someday. If he ever needed to create another vampire.
That possibility seemed very unlikely, which made me feel better about lying.
"I want you to think—to tell me everything you remember," Carlisle pressed excitedly, and I couldn't
help the grimace that flashed across my face. I didn't want to have to keep lying, because I might slip up.
And I didn't want to think about the burning. Unlike the human memories, that part was perfectly clear
and I found I could remember it with far too much precision.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle apologized immediately. "Of course your thirst must be very
uncomfortable. This conversation can wait."
Until he'd mentioned it, the thirst actually wasn't unmanageable. There was so much room in my head. A
separate part of my brain was keeping tabs on the burn in my throat, almost like a reflex. The way my old
brain had handled breathing and blinking.
But Carlisle's assumption brought the burn to the forefront of my mind. Suddenly, the dry ache was all I
could think about, and the more I thought about it, the more it hurt. My hand flew up to cup my throat,
like I could smother the flames from the outside. The skin of my neck was strange beneath my fingers. So
smooth it was somehow soft, though it was hard as stone, too.
Edward dropped his arms and took my other hand, tugging gently. "Let's hunt, Bella."
My eyes opened wider and the pain of the thirst receded, shock taking its place.
Me? Hunt? With Edward? But… how? I didn't know what to do.
He read the alarm in my expression and smiled encouragingly. "It's quite easy, love. Instinctual. Don't
worry, I'll show you." When I didn't move, he grinned his crooked smile and raised his eyebrows. "I was
under the impression that you'd always wanted to see me hunt."
I laughed in a short burst of humor （part of me listened in wonder to the pealing bell sound） as his words
reminded me of cloudy human conversations. And then I took a whole second to run quickly through
those first days
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with Edward—the true beginning of my life—in my head so that I would never forget them. I did not
expect that it would be so uncomfortable to remember. Like trying to squint through muddy water. I
knew from Rosalie's experience that if I thought of my human memories enough, I would not lose them
over time. I did not want to forget one minute I'd spent with Edward, even now, when eternity stretched
in front of us. i would have to make sure those human memories were cemented into my infallible vampire
mind.
"Shall we?" Edward asked. He reached up to take the hand that was still at my neck. His fingers
smoothed down the column of my throat. "I don't want you to be hurting," he added in a low murmur.
Something I would not have been able to hear before.
Tm fine," I said out of lingering human habit. "Wait. First."
There was so much. I'd never gotten to my questions. There were more important things than the ache.
It was Carlisle who spoke now. "Yes?"
"I want to see her. Renesmee."
It was oddly difficult to say her name. My daughter, these words were even harder to think. It all
seemed so distant. I tried to remember how I had felt three days ago, and automatically, my hands pulled
free of Edward's and dropped to my stomach.
Flat. Empty. I clutched at the pale silk that covered my skin, panicking again, while an insignificant part
of my mind noted that Alice must have dressed me.
I knew there was nothing left inside me, and I faintly remembered the bloody removal scene, but the
physical proof was still hard to process. All I knew was loving my little nudger inside of me. Outside of
me, she seemed like something I must have imagined. A fading dream—a dream that was half nightmare.
While I wrestled with my confusion, I saw Edward and Carlisle exchange a guarded glance.
"What?" I demanded.
"Bella," Edward said soothingly. "That's not really a good idea. She's half human, love. Her heart beats,
and blood runs in her veins. Until your thirst is positively under control… You don't want to put her in
danger, do you?"
I frowned. Of course I must not want that.
Was I out of control? Confused, yes. Easily unfocused, yes. But dangerous? To her? My daughter?
I couldn't be positive that the answer was no. So I would have to be patient. That sounded difficult.
Because until I saw her again, she wouldn't be real. Just a fading dream… of a stranger…
"Where is she?" I listened hard, and then I could hear the beating heart on the floor below me. I could
hear more than one person breathing—quietly, like they were listening, too. There was also a fluttering
sound, a thrumming, that I couldn't place___
And the sound of the heartbeat was so moist and appealing, that my mouth started watering.
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So I would definitely have to learn how to hunt before I saw her. My stranger baby.
"Is Rosalie with her?"
"Yes," Edward answered in a clipped tone, and I could see that something he'd thought of upset him. I'd
thought
he and Rose were over their differences. Had the animosity erupted again? Before I could ask, he pulled
my hands away from my flat stomach, tugging gently again.
"Wait," I protested again, trying to focus. "What about Jacob? And Charlie? Tell me everything that I
missed. How long was I… unconscious?"
Edward didn't seem to notice my hesitation over the last word. Instead, he was exchanging another wary
glance with Carlisle.
"What's wrong?" I whispered.
"Nothing is wrong" Carlisle told me, emphasizing the last word in a strange way. "Nothing has changed
much, actually—you were only unaware for just over two days. It was very fast, as these things go.
Edward did an excellent job. Quite innovative—the venom injection straight to your heart was his idea."
He paused to smile proudly at his son and then sighed. "Jacob is still here, and Charlie still believes that
you are sick. He thinks you're in Atlanta right now, undergoing tests at the CDC. We gave him a bad
number, and he's frustrated. He's been speaking to Esme."
"I should call him…，" I murmured to myself, but, listening to my own voice, I understood the new
difficulties. He wouldn't recognize this voice. It wouldn't reassure him. And then the earlier surprise
intruded. "Hold on—Jacob is still here?"
Another glance between them.
"Bella," Edward said quickly. "There's much to discuss, but we should take care of you first. You have
to be in pain___"
When he pointed that out, I remembered the burn in my throat and swallowed convulsively. "But Jacob
—"
"We have all the time in the world for explanations, love," he reminded me gently.
Of course. I could wait a little longer for the answer; it would be easier to listen when the fierce pain of
the fiery thirst was no longer scattering my concentration. "Okay."
"Wait, wait, wait," Alice trilled from the doorway. She danced across the room, dreamily graceful. As
with Edward and Carlisle, I felt some shock as I really looked at her face for the first time. So lovely.
"You promised I could be there the first time! What if you two run past something reflective?"
"Alice—，" Edward protested.
"It will only take a second!" And with that, Alice darted from the room.
Edward sighed.
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"What is she talking about?"
But Alice was already back, carrying the huge, gilt-framed mirror from Rosalie's room, which was nearly
twice as tall as she was, and several times as wide.
Jasper had been so still and silent that I'd taken no notice of him since he'd followed behind Carlisle.
Now he moved again, to hover over Alice, his eyes locked on my expression. Because I was the danger
here.
I knew he would be tasting the mood around me, too, and so he must have felt my jolt of shock as I
studied his face, looking at it closely for the first time.
Through my sightless human eyes, the scars left from his former life with the newborn armies in the South
had been mostly invisible. Only with a bright light to throw their slightly raised shapes into definition could
I even make out their existence.
Now that I could see, the scars were Jasper's most dominant feature. It was hard to take my eyes off his
ravaged neck and jaw—hard to believe that even a vampire could have survived so many sets of teeth
ripping into his throat.
Instinctively, I tensed to defend myself. Any vampire who saw Jasper would have had the same reaction.
The scars were like a lighted billboard. Dangerous, they screamed. How many vampires had tried to
kill Jasper? Hundreds? Thousands? The same number that had died in the attempt
Jasper both saw and felt my assessment, my caution, and he smiled wryly.
"Edward gave me grief for not getting you to a mirror before the wedding," Alice said, pulling my
attention away from her frightening lover. Tm not going to be chewed out again."
"Chewed out?" Edward asked skeptically, one eyebrow curving upward.
"Maybe I'm overstating things," she murmured absently as she turned the mirror to face me.
"And maybe this has solely to do with your own voyeuristic gratification," he countered.
Alice winked at him.
I was only aware of this exchange with the lesser part of my concentration. The greater part was riveted
on the person in the mirror.
My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful,
every bit as beautiful as Alice or Esme. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as
the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening
subtly, luminous as a pearl.
My second reaction was horror.
Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her
features.
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And her eyes! Though I'd known to expect them, her eyes still sent a thrill of terror through me.
All the while I studied and reacted, her face was perfectly composed, a carving of a goddess, showing
nothing of the turmoil roiling inside me. And then her full lips moved.
"The eyes?" I whispered, unwilling to say my eyes. "How long?
"They'll darken up in a few months," Edward said in a soft, comforting voice. "Animal blood dilutes the
color more quickly than a diet of human blood. They'll turn amber first, then gold."
My eyes would blaze like vicious red flames for months?
"Months?" My voice was higher now, stressed. In the mirror, the perfect eyebrows lifted incredulously
above her glowing crimson eyes—brighter than any I'd ever seen before.
Jasper took a step forward, alarmed by the intensity of my sudden anxiety. He knew young vampires
only too well; did this emotion presage some misstep on my part?
No one answered my question. I looked away, to Edward and Alice. Both their eyes were slightly
unfocused—reacting to Jasper's unease. Listening to its cause, looking ahead to the immediate future.
I took another deep, unnecessary breath.
"No, I'm fine," I promised them. My eyes flickered to the stranger in the mirror and back. "It's just… a
lot to take in."
Jasper's brow furrowed, highlighting the two scars over his left eye.
"I don't know," Edward murmured.
The woman in the mirror frowned. "What question did I miss?"
Edward grinned. "Jasper wonders how you're doing it."
"Doing what?"
"Controlling your emotions, Bella," Jasper answered. "I've never seen a newborn do that—stop an
emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained
power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it."
"Is that wrong?" I asked. My body automatically froze as I waited for his verdict.
"No," he said, but his voice was unsure.
Edward stroked his hand down my arm, as if encouraging me to thaw. "It's very impressive, Bella, but
we don't understand it. We don't know how long it can hold."
I considered that for a portion of a second. At any moment, would I snap? Turn into a monster?
I couldn't feel it coming on… Maybe there was no way to anticipate such a thing.
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"But what do you think?" Alice asked, a little impatient now, pointing to the mirror.
"I'm not sure," I hedged, not wanting to admit how frightened I really was.
I stared at the beautiful woman with the terrifying eyes, looking for pieces of me. There was something
there in the shape of her lips—if you looked past the dizzying beauty, it was true that her upper lip was
slightly out of balance, a bit too full to match the lower. Finding this familiar little flaw made me feel a tiny
bit better. Maybe the rest of me was in there, too.
I raised my hand experimentally, and the woman in the mirror copied the movement, touching her face,
too. Her crimson eyes watched me warily.
Edward sighed.
I turned away from her to look at him, raising one eyebrow.
"Disappointed?" I asked, my ringing voice impassive.
He laughed. "Yes," he admitted.
I felt the shock break through the composed mask on my face, followed instantly by the hurt.
Alice snarled. Jasper leaned forward again, waiting for me to snap.
But Edward ignored them and wrapped his arms tightly around my newly frozen form, pressing his lips
against my cheek. "I was rather hoping that I'd be able to hear your mind, now that it is more similar to
my own," he murmured. "And here I am, as frustrated as ever, wondering what could possibly be going
on inside your head."
I felt better at once.
"Oh well," I said lightly, relieved that my thoughts were still my own. "I guess my brain will never work
right. At least I'm pretty."
It was becoming easier to joke with him as I adjusted, to think in straight lines. To be myself.
Edward growled in my ear. "Bella, you have never been merely pretty."
Then his face pulled away from mine, and he sighed. "All right, all right," he said to someone.
"What?" I asked.
"You're making Jasper more edgy by the second. He may relax a little when you've hunted."
I looked at Jasper's worried expression and nodded. I didn't want to snap here, if that was coming.
Better to be surrounded by trees than family.
"Okay. Let's hunt," I agreed, a thrill of nerves and anticipation making my stomach quiver. I unwrapped
Edward's arms from around me, keeping one of his hands, and turned my back on the strange and
beautiful woman in the mirror.
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21. FIRST HUNT
"The window?" I asked, staring two stories down.
I'd never really been afraid of heights per se, but being able to see all the details with such clarity made
the prospect less appealing. The angles of the rocks below were sharper than I would have imagined
them.
Edward smiled. "It's the most convenient exit. If you're frightened, I can carry you."
"We have all eternity, and you're worried about the time it would take to walk to the back door?"
He frowned slightly. "Renesmee and Jacob are downstairs___"
"Oh."
Right. I was the monster now. I had to keep away from scents that might trigger my wild side. From the
people that I loved in particular. Even the ones I didn't really know yet.
"Is Renesmee… okay… with Jacob there?" I whispered. I realized belatedly that it must havebeen
Jacob's heart I'd heard below. I listened hard again, but I could only hear the one steady pulse. "He
doesn't like her much."
Edward's lips tightened in an odd way. "Trust me, she is perfectly safe. I know exactly what Jacob is
thinking."
"Of course," I murmured, and looked at the ground again.
"Stalling?" he challenged.
"A little. I don't know how…"
And I was very conscious of my family behind me, watching silently. Mostly silently. Emmett had already
chuckled under his breath once. One mistake, and he'd be rolling on the floor. Then the jokes about the
world's only clumsy vampire would start…
Also, this dress—that Alice must have put me in sometime when I was too lost in the burning to
notice—was not what I would have picked out for either jumping or hunting. Tightly fitted ice-blue silk?
What did she think I would need it for? Was there a cocktail party later?
"Watch me," Edward said. And then, very casually, he stepped out of the tall, open window and fell.
I watched carefully, analyzing the angle at which he bent his knees to absorb the impact. The sound of
his landing was very low—a muted thud that could have been a door softly closed, or a book gently laid
on a table.
It didn't look hard.
Clenching my teeth as I concentrated, I tried to copy his casual step into empty air.
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Ha! The ground seemed to move toward me so slowly that it was nothing at all to place my feet—what
shoes had Alice put me in? Stilettos? She'd lost her mind—to place mysilly shoes exactly right so that
landing was no different than stepping one foot forward on a flat surface.
I absorbed the impact in the balls of my feet, not wanting to snap off the thin heels. My landing seemed
just as quiet as his. I grinned at him.
"Right. Easy."
He smiled back. "Bella?"
"Yes?"
"That was quite graceful—even for a vampire."
I considered that for a moment, and then I beamed. If he'd just been saying that, then Emmett would
have laughed. No one found his remark humorous, so it must have been true. It was the first time anyone
had ever applied the word graceful 'to me in my entire life… or, well, existence anyway.
"T/?an/cyou,"i told him.
And then I hooked the silver satin shoes off my feet one by one and lobbed them together back through
the open window. A little too hard, maybe, but I heard someone catch them before they could damage
the paneling.
Alice grumbled, "Her fashion sense hasn't improved as much as her balance."
Edward took my hand—I couldn't stop marveling at the smoothness, the comfortable temperature of his
skin—and darted through the backyard to the edge of the river. I went along with him effortlessly.
Everything physical seemed very simple.
"Are we swimming?" I asked him when we stopped beside the water.
"And ruin your pretty dress? No. We're jumping."
I pursed my lips, considering. The river was about fifty yards wide here.
"You first," I said.
He touched my cheek, took two quick backward strides, and then ran back those two steps, launching
himself from a flat stone firmly embedded in the riverbank. I studied the flash of movement as he arced
over the water, finally turning a somersault just before he disappeared into the thick trees on the other
side of the river.
"Show-off," I muttered, and heard his invisible laugh.
I backed up five paces, just in case, and took a deep breath.
Suddenly, I was anxious again. Not about falling or getting hurt—I was more worried about the forest
getting hurt.
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It had come on slowly, but I could feel it now—the raw, massive strength thrilling in my limbs. I was
suddenly sure that if I wanted to tunnel under the river, to claw or beat my way straight through the
bedrock, it wouldn't take me very long. The objects around me—the trees, the shrubs, the rocks… the
house—had all begun to look very fragile.
Hoping very much that Esme was not particularly fond of any specific trees across the river, I began my
first stride. And then stopped when the tight satin split six inches up my thigh. Alice!
Well, Alice always seemed to treat clothes as if they were disposable and meant for one-time usage, so
she shouldn't mind this. I bent to carefully grasp the hem at the undamaged right seam between my fingers
and, exerting the tiniest amount of pressure possible, I ripped the dress open to the top of my thigh. Then
I fixed the other side to match.
Much better.
I could hear the muffled laughter in the house, and even the sound of someone gritting her teeth. The
laughter came from upstairs and down, and I very easily recognized the much different, rough, throaty
chuckle from the firstfloor.
So Jacob was watching, too? I couldn't imagine what he was thinking now, or what he was still doing
here. I'd envisioned our reunion—if he could ever forgive me—taking place far in the future, when I was
more stable, and time had healed the wounds I'd inflicted in his heart.
I didn't turn to look at him now, wary of my mood swings. It wouldn't be good to let any emotion take
