“Sure it is.”
“Go clean yourself up,” she ordered me. “Charlie will be home in fifteen minutes, and if you look this
ragged he’s not going to want to let you out again.”
Wow, I’d really lost the whole day. It felt like such a waste. I was glad I wouldn’t always have to
squander my time with sleeping.
I was entirely presentable when Charlie got home — fully dressed, hair decent, and in the kitchen putting
his dinner on the table. Alice sat in Edward’s usual place, and this seemed to make Charlie’s day.
“Howdy, Alice! How are you, hon?”
“I’m fine, Charlie, thanks.”
“I see you finally made it out of bed, sleepyhead,” he said to me as I sat beside him, before turning back to
Alice. “Everyone’s talking about that party your parents threw last night. I’ll bet you’ve got one heck of a
clean-up job ahead of you.”
Alice shrugged. Knowing her, it was already done.
“It was worth it,” she said. “It was a great party.”
“Where’s Edward?” Charlie asked, a little grudgingly. “Is he helping clean up?”
Alice sighed and her face turned tragic. It was probably an act, but it was too perfect for me to be
positive. “No. He’s off planning the weekend with Emmett and Carlisle.”
“Hikingagain?”
Alice nodded, her face suddenly forlorn. “Yes. They’re all going, except me. We always go backpacking
at the end of the school year, sort of a celebration, but this year I decided I’d rather shop than hike, and not
one of them will stay behind with me. I’m abandoned.”
Her face puckered, the expression so devastated that Charlie leaned toward her automatically, one hand
reaching out, looking for some way to help. I glared at her suspiciously. What was she doing?
“Alice, honey, why don’t you come stay with us,” Charlie offered. “I hate to think of you all alone in that
big house.”
She sighed. Something squashed my foot under the table.
“Ow!” I protested.
Charlie turned to me. “What?”
Alice shot me a frustrated look. I could tell she thought that I was very slow tonight.
“Stubbed my toe,” I muttered.
“Oh.” He looked back at Alice. “So, how ’bout it?”
She stepped on my foot again, not quite so hard this time.
“Er, Dad, you know, we don’t really have the best accommodations here. I bet Alice doesn’t want to
sleep on my floor. . . .”
Charlie pursed his lips. Alice pulled out the devastated expression again.
“Maybe Bella should stay up there with you,” he suggested. “Just until your folks get back.”
“Oh, would you, Bella?” Alice smiled at me radiantly. “You don’t mind shopping with me, right?”
“Sure,” I agreed. “Shopping. Okay.”
“When are they leaving?” Charlie asked.
Alice made another face. “Tomorrow.”
“When do you want me?” I asked.
“After dinner, I guess,” she said, and then put one finger to her chin, thoughtful. “You don’t have anything
going on Saturday, do you? I want to get out of town to shop, and it will be an all-day thing.”
“Not Seattle,” Charlie interjected, his eyebrows pulling together.
“Of course not,” Alice agreed at once, though we both knew Seattle would be plenty safe on Saturday. “I
was thinking Olympia, maybe. . . .”
“You’ll like that, Bella.” Charlie was cheerful with relief. “Go get your fill of the city.”
“Yeah, Dad. It’ll be great.”
With one easy conversation, Alice had cleared my schedule for the battle.
Edward returned not much later. He accepted Charlie’s wishes for a nice trip without surprise. He claimed
they were leaving early in the morning, and said goodnight before the usual time. Alice left with him.
I excused myself soon after they left.
“You can’t be tired,” Charlie protested.
“A little,” I lied.
“No wonder you like to skip the parties,” he muttered. “It takes you so long to recover.”
Upstairs, Edward was lying across my bed.
“What time are we meeting with the wolves?” I murmured as I went to join him.
“In an hour.”
“That’s good. Jake and his friends need to get some sleep.”
“They don’t need as much as you do,” he pointed out.
I moved to another topic, assuming he was about to try to talk me into staying home. “Did Alice tell you
that she’s kidnapping me again?”
He grinned. “Actually, she’s not.”
I stared at him, confused, and he laughed quietly at my expression.
“I’m the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember?” he said. “Alice is going hunting
with the rest of them.” He sighed. “I guess I don’t need to do that now.”
“You’re kidnapping me?”
He nodded.
I thought about that briefly. No Charlie listening downstairs, checking on me every so often. And no
houseful of wide-awake vampires with their intrusively sensitive hearing. . . . Just him and me — really alone.
“Is that all right?” he asked, concerned by my silence.
“Well . . . sure, except for one thing.”
“What thing?” His eyes were anxious. It was mind-boggling, but, somehow, he still seemed unsure of his
hold on me. Maybe I needed to make myself more clear.
“Why didn’t Alice tell Charlie you were leaving tonight?” I asked.
He laughed, relieved.
I enjoyed the trip to the clearing more than I had last night. I still felt guilty, still afraid, but I wasn’t terrified
anymore. I could function. I could see past what was coming, and almost believe that maybe it would be
okay. Edward was apparently fine with the idea of missing the fight . . . and that made it very hard not to
believe him when he said this would be easy. He wouldn’t leave his family if he didn’t believe it himself. Maybe
Alice was right, and I did worry too much.
We got to the clearing last.
Jasper and Emmett were already wrestling — just warming up from the sounds of their laughter. Alice and
Rosalie lounged on the hard ground, watching. Esme and Carlisle were talking a few yards away, heads close
together, fingers linked, not paying attention.
It was much brighter tonight, the moon shining through the thin clouds, and I could easily see the three
wolves that sat around the edge of the practice ring, spaced far apart to watch from different angles.
It was also easy to recognize Jacob; I would have known him at once, even if he hadn’t looked up and
stared at the sound of our approach.
“Where are the rest of the wolves?” I wondered.
“They don’t all need to be here. One would do the job, but Sam didn’t trust us enough to just send Jacob,
though Jacob was willing. Quil and Embry are his usual . . . I guess you could call them his wingmen.”
“Jacob trusts you.”
Edward nodded. “He trusts us not to try to kill him. That’s about it, though.”
“Are you participating tonight?” I asked, hesitant. I knew this was going to be almost as hard for him as
being left behind would have been for me. Maybe harder.
“I’ll help Jasper when he needs it. He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with
multiple attackers.”
He shrugged.
And a fresh wave of panic shattered my brief sense of confidence.
They were still outnumbered. I was making that worse.
I stared at the field, trying to hide my reaction.
It was the wrong place to look, struggling as I was to lie to myself, to convince myself that everything
would work out as I needed it to. Because when I forced my eyes away from the Cullens — away from the
image of their playfighting that would be real and deadly in just a few days — Jacob caught my eyes and
smiled.
It was the same wolfy grin as before, his eyes scrunching the way they did when he was human.
It was hard to believe that, not so long ago, I’d found the werewolves frightening — lost sleep to
nightmares about them.
I knew, without asking, which of the others was Embry and which was Quil. Because Embry was clearly
the thinner gray wolf with the dark spots on his back, who sat so patiently watching, while Quil — deep
chocolate brown, lighter over his face — twitched constantly, looking like he was dying to join in the mock
fight. They weren’t monsters, even like this. They were friends.
Friends who didn’t look nearly as indestructible as Emmett and Jasper did, moving faster than cobra
strikes while the moonlight glinted off their granite-hard skin. Friends who didn’t seem to understand the
danger involved here. Friends who were still somewhat mortal, friends who could bleed, friends who could
die. . . .
Edward’s confidence was reassuring, because it was plain that he wasn’t truly worried about his family.
But would it hurt him if something happened to the wolves? Was there any reason for him to be anxious, if that
possibility didn’t bother him? Edward’s confidence only applied to one set of my fears.
I tried to smile back at Jacob, swallowing against the lump in my throat. I didn’t seem to get it right.
Jacob sprang lightly to his feet, his agility at odds with his sheer mass, and trotted over to where Edward
and I stood on the fringe of things.
“Jacob,” Edward greeted him politely.
Jacob ignored him, his dark eyes on me. He put his head down to my level, as he had yesterday, cocking
it to one side. A low whimper escaped his muzzle.
“I’m fine,” I answered, not needing the translation that Edward was about to give. “Just worried, you
know.”
Jacob continued to stare at me.
“He wants to know why,” Edward murmured.
Jacob growled — not a threatening sound, an annoyed sound — and Edward’s lips twitched.
“What?” I asked.
“He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, ‘That’s really
stupid. What is there to be worried about?’ I edited, because I thought it was rude.”
I halfway smiled, too anxious to really feel amused. “There’s plenty to be worried about,” I told Jacob.
“Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt.”
Jacob laughed his coughing bark.
Edward sighed. “Jasper wants help. You’ll be okay without a translator?”
“I’ll manage.”
Edward looked at me wistfully for one minute, his expression hard to understand, then turned his back and
strode over to where Jasper waited.
I sat down where I was. The ground was cold and uncomfortable.
Jacob took a step forward, then looked back at me, and a low whine rose in his throat. He took another
half-step.
“Go on without me,” I told him. “I don’t want to watch.”
Jacob leaned his head to the side again for a moment, and then folded himself on to the ground beside me
with a rumbling sigh.
“Really, you can go ahead,” I assured him. He didn’t respond, he just put his head down on his paws.
I stared up at the bright silver clouds, not wanting to see the fight. My imagination had more than enough
fuel. A breeze blew through the clearing, and I shivered.
Jacob scooted himself closer to me, pressing his warm fur against my left side.
“Er, thanks,” I muttered.
After a few minutes, I leaned against his wide shoulder. It was much more comfortable that way.
The clouds moved slowly across the sky, dimming and brightening as thick patches crossed the moon and
passed on.
Absently, I began pulling my fingers through the fur on his neck. That same strange humming sound that
he’d made yesterday rumbled in his throat. It was a homey kind of sound. Rougher, wilder than a cat’s purr,
but conveying the same sense of contentment.
“You know, I never had a dog,” I mused. “I always wanted one, but Renée’s allergic.”
Jacob laughed; his body shook under me.
“Aren’t you worried about Saturday at all?” I asked.
He turned his enormous head toward me, so that I could see one of his eyes roll.
“I wish I could feel that positive.”
He leaned his head against my leg and started humming again. And it did make me feel just a little bit
better.
“So we’ve got some hiking to do tomorrow, I guess.”
He rumbled; the sound was enthusiastic.
“It might be a long hike,” I warned him. “Edward doesn’t judge distances the way a normal person does.”
Jacob barked another laugh.
I settled deeper into his warm fur, resting my head against his neck.
It was strange. Even though he was in this bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be
— the easy, effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out — than the last few times I’d been
with Jacob while he was human. Odd that I should find that again here, when I’d thought this wolf thing was
the cause of its loss.
The killing games continued in the clearing, and I stared at the hazy moon.
20. COMPROMISE
EVERYTHING WAS READY.
I was packed for my two-day visit with “Alice,” and my bag waited for me on the passenger seat of my
truck. I’d given the concert tickets to Angela, Ben, and Mike. Mike was going to take Jessica, which was
exactly as I’d hoped. Billy had borrowed Old Quil Ateara’s boat and invited Charlie down for some open sea
fishing before the afternoon game started. Collin and Brady, the two youngest werewolves, were staying
behind to protect La Push — though they were just children, both of them only thirteen. Still, Charlie would be
safer than anyone left in Forks.
I had done all that I could do. I tried to accept that, and put the things that were outside of my control out
of my head, for tonight at least. One way or another, this would all be over in forty-eight hours. The thought
was almost comforting.
Edward had requested that I relax, and I was going to do my best.
“For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?” he’d pleaded, unleashing
the full force of his eyes on me. “It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just
you.”
That was not a hard request to agree to, though I knew that forgetting my fears would be much easier said
than done. Other matters were on my mind now, knowing that we had this night to be alone, and that would
help.
There were some things that had changed.
For instance, I was ready.
I was ready to join his family and his world. The fear and guilt and anguish I was feeling now had taught
me that much. I’d had a chance to concentrate on this — as I’d gazed at the moon through the clouds and
rested against a werewolf — and I knew I would not panic again. The next time something came at us, I
would be ready. An asset, not a liability. He would never have to make the choice between me and his family
again. We would be partners, like Alice and Jasper. Next time, I would do my part.
I would wait for the sword to be removed from over my head, so that Edward would be satisfied. But it
wasn’t necessary. I was ready.
There was only one missing piece.
One piece, because there were some things that had not changed, and that included the desperate way I
loved him. I’d had plenty of time to think through the ramifications of Jasper and Emmett’s bet — to figure out
the things I was willing to lose with my humanity, and the part that I was not willing to give up. I knew which
human experience I was going to insist on before I became inhuman.
So we had some things to work out tonight. After everything I’d seen in the past two years, I didn’t
believe in the word impossible anymore. It was going to take more than that to stop me now.
Okay, well, honestly, it was probably going to be much more complicated than that. But I was going to
try.
As decided as I was, I wasn’t surprised that I still felt nervous as I drove down the long path to his house
— I didn’t know how to do what I was trying to do, and that guaranteed me some serious jitters. He sat in the
passenger seat, fighting a smile at my slow pace. I was surprised that he hadn’t insisted on taking the wheel,
but tonight he seemed content to go at my speed.
It was after dark when we reached the house. In spite of that, the meadow was bright in the light shining
from every window.
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm,
slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other. His lips found mine as I heard him
kick the truck’s door shut behind me.
Without breaking the kiss, he swung me up so that I was cradled in his arms and carried me into the
house.
Was the front door already open? I didn’t know. We were inside, though, and I was dizzy. I had to
remind myself to breathe.
This kissing did not frighten me. It wasn’t like before when I could feel the fear and panic leaking through
his control. His lips were not anxious, but enthusiastic now — he seemed as thrilled as I was that we had
tonight to concentrate on being together. He continued to kiss me for several minutes, standing there in the
entry; he seemed less guarded than usual, his mouth cold and urgent on mine.
I began to feel cautiously optimistic. Perhaps getting what I wanted would not be as difficult as I’d
expected it to be.
No, of course it was going to be just exactly that difficult.
With a low chuckle, he pulled me away, holding me at arm’s length.
“Welcome home,” he said, his eyes liquid and warm.
“That sounds nice,” I said, breathless.
He set me gently on my feet. I wrapped both my arms around him, refusing to allow any space between
us.
“I have something for you,” he said, his tone conversational.
“Oh?”
“Your hand-me-down, remember? You said that was allowable.”
“Oh, that’s right. I guess I did say that.”
He chuckled at my reluctance.
“It’s up in my room. Shall I go get it?”
His bedroom? “Sure,” I agreed, feeling quite devious as I wound my fingers through his. “Let’s go.”
He must have been eager to give me my non-present, because human velocity was not fast enough for
him. He scooped me up again and nearly flew up the stairs to his room. He set me down at the door, and
darted into his closet.
He was back before I’d taken a step, but I ignored him and went to the huge gold bed, plopping down on
the edge and then sliding to the center. I curled up in a ball, my arms wrapped around my knees.
“Okay,” I grumbled. Now that I was where I wanted to be, I could afford a little reluctance. “Let me have
it.”
Edward laughed.
He climbed onto the bed to sit next to me, and my heart thumped unevenly. Hopefully he would write that
off as some reaction to him giving me presents.
“A hand-me-down,” he reminded me sternly. He pulled my left wrist away from my leg, and touched the
silver bracelet for just a moment. Then he gave me my arm back.
I examined it cautiously. On the opposite side of the chain from the wolf, there now hung a brilliant heart-
shaped crystal. It was cut in a million facets, so that even in the subdued light shining from the lamp, it
sparkled. I inhaled in a low gasp.
“It was my mother’s.” He shrugged deprecatingly. “I inherited quite a few baubles like this. I’ve given
some to Esme and Alice both. So, clearly, this is not a big deal in any way.”
I smiled ruefully at his assurance.
“But I thought it was a good representation,” he continued. “It’s hard and cold.” He laughed. “And it
throws rainbows in the sunlight.”
“You forgot the most important similarity,” I murmured. “It’s beautiful.”
“My heart is just as silent,” he mused. “And it, too, is yours.”
I twisted my wrist so the heart would glimmer. “Thank you. For both.”
“No, thank you. It’s a relief to have you accept a gift so easily. Good practice for you, too.” He grinned,
flashing his teeth.
I leaned into him, ducking my head under his arm and cuddling into his side. It probably felt similar to
snuggling with Michelangelo’s David, except that this perfect marble creature wrapped his arms around me to
pull me closer.
It seemed like a good place to start.
“Can we discuss something? I’d appreciate it if you could begin by being open-minded.”
He hesitated for a moment. “I’ll give it my best effort,” he agreed, cautious now.
“I’m not breaking any rules here,” I promised. “This is strictly about you and me.” I cleared my throat. “So
. . . I was impressed by how well we were able to compromise the other night. I was thinking I would like to
apply the same principle to a different situation.” I wondered why I was being so formal. Must be the nerves.
“What would you like to negotiate?” he asked, a smile in his voice.
I struggled, trying to find exactly the right words to open with.
“Listen to your heart fly,” he murmured. “It’s fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings. Are you all right?”
“I’m great.”
“Please go on then,” he encouraged.
“Well, I guess, first, I wanted to talk to you about that whole ridiculous marriage condition thing.”
“It’s only ridiculous to you. What about it?”
“I was wondering . . . is that open to negotiation?”
Edward frowned, serious now. “I’ve already made the largest concession by far and away — I’ve agreed
to take your life away against my better judgment. And that ought to entitle me to a few compromises on your
part.”
“No.” I shook my head, focusing on keeping my face composed. “That part’s a done deal. We’re not
discussing my . . . renovations right now. I want to hammer out some other details.”
He looked at me suspiciously. “Which details do you mean exactly?”
I hesitated. “Let’s clarify your prerequisites first.”
“You know what I want.”
“Matrimony.” I made it sound like a dirty word.
“Yes.” He smiled a wide smile. “To start with.”
The shock spoiled my carefully composed expression. “There’s more?”
“Well,” he said, and his face was calculating. “If you’re my wife, then what’s mine is yours . . . like tuition
money. So there would be no problem with Dartmouth.”
“Anything else? While you’re already being absurd?”
“I wouldn’t mind some time.”
“No. No time. That’s a deal breaker right there.”
He sighed longingly. “Just a year or two?”
I shook my head, my lips set in a stubborn frown. “Move along to the next one.”
“That’s it. Unless you’d like to talk cars . . .”
He grinned widely when I grimaced, then took my hand and began playing with my fingers.
“I didn’t realize there was anything else you wanted besides being transformed into a monster yourself. I’m
extremely curious.” His voice was low and soft. The slight edge would have been hard to detect if I hadn’t
known it so well.
I paused, staring at his hand on mine. I still didn’t know how to begin. I felt his eyes watching me and I
was afraid to look up. The blood began to burn in my face.
His cool fingers brushed my cheek. “You’re blushing?” he asked in surprise. I kept my eyes down.
“Please, Bella, the suspense is painful.”
I bit my lip.
“Bella.” His tone reproached me now, reminded me that it was hard for him when I kept my thoughts to
myself.
“Well, I’m a little worried . . . about after,” I admitted, finally looking at him.
I felt his body tense, but his voice was gentle and velvet. “What has you worried?”
“All of you just seem so convinced that the only thing I’m going to be interested in, afterward, is
slaughtering everyone in town,” I confessed, while he winced at my choice of words. “And I’m afraid I’ll be so
preoccupied with the mayhem that I won’t be me anymore . . . and that I won’t . . . I won’t want you the
same way I do now.”
“Bella, that part doesn’t last forever,” he assured me.
He was missing the point.
“Edward,” I said, nervous, staring at a freckle on my wrist. “There’s something that I want to do before
I’m not human anymore.”
He waited for me to continue. I didn’t. My face was all hot.
“Whatever you want,” he encouraged, anxious and completely clueless.
“Do you promise?” I muttered, knowing my attempt to trap him with his words was not going to work, but
unable to resist.
“Yes,” he said. I looked up to see that his eyes were earnest and confused. “Tell me what you want, and
you can have it.”
I couldn’t believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent — which was, of course, central to
the discussion. I didn’t have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and
self-conscious.
“You,” I mumbled almost incoherently.
“I’m yours.” He smiled, still oblivious, trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again.
I took a deep breath and shifted forward so that I was kneeling on the bed. Then I wrapped my arms
around his neck and kissed him.
He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was
elsewhere — trying to figure out what was on my mind. I decided he needed a hint.
My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck
to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn’t help as I tried to hurry to undo the buttons before he stopped me.
His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions.
He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving.
“Be reasonable, Bella.”
“You promised — whatever I wanted,” I reminded him without hope.
“We’re not having this discussion.” He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I’d managed to
open.
My teeth clamped together.
“I say we are,” I growled. I moved my hands to my blouse and yanked open the top button.
He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my sides.
“I say we’re not,” he said flatly.
We glowered at each other.
“You wanted to know,” I pointed out.
“I thought it would be something faintly realistic.”
“So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want — like getting married — but I’m not allowed
to even discuss what I —”
While I was ranting, he pulled my hands together to restrain them in just one of his, and put his other hand
over my mouth.
“No.” His face was hard.
I took a deep breath to steady myself. And, as the anger began to fade, I felt something else.
It took me a minute to recognize why I was staring down again, the blush returning — why my stomach
felt uneasy, why there was too much moisture in my eyes, why I suddenly wanted to run from the room.
Rejection washed through me, instinctive and strong.
I knew it was irrational. He’d been very clear on other occasions that my safety was the only factor. Yet
I’d never made myself quite so vulnerable before. I scowled at the golden comforter that matched his eyes and
tried to banish the reflex reaction that told me I was unwanted and unwantable.
Edward sighed. The hand over my mouth moved under my chin, and he pulled my face up until I had to
look at him.
“What now?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled.
He scrutinized my face for long moment while I tried unsuccessfully to twist away from his gaze. His brow
furrowed, and his expression became horrified.
“Did I hurt your feelings?” he asked, shocked.
“No,” I lied.
So quickly that I wasn’t even sure how it happened, I was in his arms, my face cradled between his
shoulder and his hand, while his thumb stroked reassuringly against my cheek.
“You know why I have to say no,” he murmured. “You know that I want you, too.”
“Do you?” I whispered, my voice full of doubt.
“Of course I do, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl.” He laughed once, and then his voice was bleak.
“Doesn’t everyone? I feel like there’s a line behind me, jockeying for position, waiting for me to make a big
enough mistake. . . . You’re too desirable for your own good.”
“Who’s being silly now?” I doubted if awkward, self-conscious, and inept added up to desirable in
anyone’s book.
“Do I have to send a petition around to get you to believe? Shall I tell you whose names would be on the
top of the list? You know a few of them, but some might surprise you.”
I shook my head against his chest, grimacing. “You’re just trying to distract me. Let’s get back to the
subject.”
He sighed.
“Tell me if I have anything wrong.” I tried to sound detached. “Your demands are marriage” — I couldn’t
say the word without making a face — “paying my tuition, more time, and you wouldn’t mind if myvehicle
went a little faster.” I raised my eyebrows. “Did I get everything? That’s a hefty list.”
“Only the first is a demand.” He seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face. “The others are
merely requests.”
“And my lone, solitary little demand is —”
“Demand?” he interrupted, suddenly serious again.
“Yes, demand.”
His eyes narrowed.
“Getting married is a stretch for me. I’m not giving in unless I get something in return.”
He leaned down to whisper in my ear. “No,” he murmured silkily. “It’s not possible now. Later, when
