She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been. Charlie wouldn't notice,
I was sure. The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer
spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.
"Alice," I whispered as she headed back to the door.
"Yes?" She kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side.
"How bad is it?" I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs,
with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me.
Her face tensed. "I'm not sure yet."
"How's Jasper?"
She sighed. "He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of challenge for him, and he hates
feeling weak."
"It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?"
"Of course."
Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open
without a word.
"Take your things!" Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward. She scooped up the two packages,
one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. "You can
thank me later, when you've opened them."
Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight. I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive
son, much like I was.
It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders.
Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenget side for me, and I climbed in without
complaint.
On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor.
As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat.
He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified
by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane.
The silence was making me insane.
"Say something," I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked in a detached voice.
I cringed at his remoteness. 'Tell me you forgive me."
That brought a flicker of life to his face—a flicker of anger. "Forgive you? For what?"
"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."
"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut—that hardly deserves the death penalty."
"It's still my fault."
My words opened up the floodgate.
"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other
normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find
you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own—without someone
throwing you into them—even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove
you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up—and
he wouldn't be righting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on
yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."
"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" I demanded.
"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for
you to be with," he growled.
"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," I protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."
"Don't be melodramatic, please."
"Well then, don't you be ridiculous."
He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression black.
I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still
hadn't come up with anything.
He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel.
"Will you stay tonight?" I asked.
"I should go home."
The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.
"For my birthday," I pressed.
"You can't have it both ways—either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the
other."
His voice was stern, but not .is serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief.
"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."
I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned.
"You don't have to take those."
"I want them," I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology.
"No, you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."
"I'll live." I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He
was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second.
"Let me carry them, at least." he said as he took them away. "I'll be in your room."
I smiled. "Thanks."
"Happy birthday," he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine.
I reached up on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite
crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.
The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling
over the babble of the crowd.
"Bell?" Charlie called.
"Hey, Dad," I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side. The slight pressure
burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness.
"How was it?" Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left
of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side.
"Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents—the whole bit."
"What did they get you?"
"A stereo for my truck." And various unknowns.
"Wow."
"Yeah," I agreed. "Well, I'm calling it a night."
"I'll see you in the morning."
I waved. "See ya."
"What happened to your arm?"
I flushed and cursed silently. "I tripped. It's nothing."
"Bella," he sighed, shaking his head.
"Goodnight, Dad."
I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. I shrugged into the
matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holey sweats I used to wear to bed,
wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches. I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and
then skipped to my room.
He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes.
"Hi," he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing.
I went to the bed, pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap.
"Hi." I snuggled into his stone chest. "Can I open my presents now?"
"Where did the enthusiasm come from?" he wondered.
"You made me curious."
I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme.
"Allow me," he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid
movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.
"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" I muttered, but he ignored me.
Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a
minute to get the gist of the information.
"We're going to Jacksonville?" And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets,
for both me and Edward.
"That's the idea."
"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay
inside all day."
"I think I can handle it," he said, and then frowned. "If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift
this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd
complain."
"Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"
He chuckled. "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of
being reasonable."
I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and
unwrapped it like the first one.
He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside.
"What is it?" I asked, perplexed.
He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside
table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began.
I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears
welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over.
"Does your arm hurt?" he asked anxiously.
"No, it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I
can't believe it." I shut up, so I could listen.
It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.
"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," he explained.
"You're right."
"How does your arm feel?"
"Just fine." Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his
hand, but that would have given me away.
"I'll get you some Tylenol."
"I don't need anything," I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door.
"Charlie," I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would
have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel too guilty for deceiving him It
wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…
"He won't catch me," Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door . . and returned, catching
the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle
of pills in one hand.
I took the pills he handed me without arguing—I knew I would lose the argument And my arm really was
starting to bother me.
My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background.
"It's late," Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with
the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next
to me—on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled—and put his arm over me.
I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily.
"Thanks again," I whispered.
"You're welcome."
It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I
recognized Esme's favorite.
"What are you thinking about?'" I wondered in a whisper.
He hesitated for a second before he told me. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually."
I felt a chill tingle along my spine.
"Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?" I asked quickly, hoping it
wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him.
"Yes," he agreed, wary.
"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again."
"You're greedy tonight."
"Yes, I am—but please, don't do anything you don't want to do," I added, piqued.
He laughed, and then sighed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a
strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.
The kiss began much the same as usual—Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to
overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more
urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled
in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me.
His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.
When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands.
I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive,
on the edges.
"Sorry," he said, and he was breathless, too. "That was out of line."
"I don't mind," I panted.
He frowned at me in the darkness. "Try to sleep. Bella."
"No, I want you to kiss me again."
"You're overestimating my self-control."
"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" I challenged.
"It's a tie." He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. "Now. why don't you stop
pushing your luck and go to sleep?"
"Fine," I agreed, snuggling closer to him. I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many
ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a
silly premonition—what could be worse than today?' Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.
Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth
the burning. It felt better at once.
I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when
he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing
when—or if—we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some
reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.
3. THE END
I FELT ABSOLUTELY HIDEOUS IN THE MORNING. I HADN'T slept well; my arm burned and
my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my
forehead quickly and ducked out my window. I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that
he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. The anxiety seemed
to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head.
Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried
in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of—and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't
sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.
He opened my door for me.
"How do you feel?"
"Perfect," I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head.
We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to match mine. There were so many questions I wanted to
ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because chey were for Alice: How was Jasper this
morning? What had they said when I was gone? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what
could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future? Could she guess what
Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears
that I couldn't seem to shake?
The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her
with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.
Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the
table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat.
Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late—until I
saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.
"Where's Alice?" I asked Edward anxiously.
He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered. "She's
with Jasper."
"Is he okay?"
"He's gone away for a while."
"What? Where?"
Edward shrugged. "Nowhere in particular."
"And Alice, too," I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go.
"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."
Denali was where the one other band of unique vampires—good ones like the Cullens—lived. Tanya and
her family. I'd heard of them now and again. Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had
made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James's little coven, had gone there
rather than siding with James against the Cullens. It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go
there.
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my
shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.
"Is your arm bothering you?" he asked solicitously.
"Who cares about my stupid arm?" I muttered in disgust.
He didn't answer, and I put my head down on the table.
By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but
apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.
"You'll come over later tonight?" I asked as he walked me—silently—to my truck. He always came over.
"Later?"
It pleased me that he seemed surprised. "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get
yesterday off."
"Oh," he murmured.
"So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?" I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this.
"If you want me to."
"I always want you," I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required.
I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.
"All right, then," he said indifferently.
He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped
gracefully toward his car.
I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time
I got to Newton's.
He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was
disappearing. But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett, too. If it would
help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river—I'd never set foot there again. That didn't
matter. I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my
place all the time anyway. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away.
No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity—in the emergency room.
After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing had happened. So I fell down—that was
the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken
and nearly dead from loss of blood—and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital
much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from?
Because it was his brother?
Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less
depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year,
Charlie wouldn't be able to object. We could go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing,
like Rosalie and Emmett this year. Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It
didn't even seem like that much to me.
I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the
store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my
vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running
away with Edward to various exotic locales.
Mike interrupted my fantasy. "How was your birthday?"
"Ugh," I mumbled. "I'm glad it's over."
Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.
Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever
it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over again. Everything will
go back to normal.
The relief I felt when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house
was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way.
I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside.
"Dad? Edward?"
As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's SportsCenter coming from the living
room.
"In here," Charlie called.
I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner.
Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was
normal for my father. Not so much for Edward.
"Hi," I said weakly.
"Hey, Bella," my father answered, eyes never moving. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the
table."
"Okay."
I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you,"
he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV.
I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe,
building up in my chest. I escaped to the kitchen.
The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around
them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. The sounds of male bonding and
banter continued from the TV set.
I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself.
What's the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was
having a hard time breathing right.
Okay, I thought again, what's the worst I can live through? I didn't like that question so much, either.
But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today.
Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper
was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself—I could live with
that.
Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to
be now.
In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera
I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the
scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. Somehow, living without her for as
long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all
alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…
But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we?
I couldn't be certain about the answer to that.
I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path
I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case scenario—the very
worst I could live through.
I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to
hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge
to get started. Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks.
I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly
turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I
chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had
changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice
somewhere much too high.
I didn't want to think about that anymore. I grabbed the camera and headed up the stairs.
My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here. The
walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed,
rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top—it had been a gift ROM
Gran.
Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight—it was too dark
outside—and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I would record
everything about Forks before I had to leave it.
Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it
was.
I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my
stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over
this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave. I would let him work
through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked.
I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that
I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my
stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.
They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty, expressionless.
"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie complained.
"Oh, come on." I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie
lounged. "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work
before she can get her feelings hurt."
"Why are you taking pictures of me, though?" he grumbled.
"Because you're so handsome," I replied, keeping it light. "And because, since you bought the camera,
you're obligated to be one of my subjects."
He mumbled something unintelligible.
"Hey, Edward," I said with admirable indifference. "Take one of me and my dad together."
I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where
Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed.
"You need to smile, Bella," Edward murmured.
I did my best, and the camera flashed.
"Let me take one of you kids," Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus
fromhimself.
Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera.
I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand
lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his
face, but I was afraid to.
"Smile, Bella," Charlie reminded me again.
I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me.
"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie said then, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions
and rolling over it. "You don't have to use the whole roll now."
Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in
the armchair.
I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were
shaking. I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV
screen in front of me, seeing nothing.
When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand.
"I'd better get home," he said.
Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. "See ya."
I got awkwardly to my feet—I was stiff from sitting so still—and followed Edward out the front door. He
went straight to his car.
"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.
I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.
"Not tonight."
I didn't ask for a reason.
He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining. I
waited, without knowing what I waited for, until the door opened behind me.
"Bella, what are you doing?" Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping.
"Nothing." I turned and trudged back to the house.
It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.
I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting
for the clouds to brighten. When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for
pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest
by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to. I realized I would miss this—the
green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it.
I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the
fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night.
Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. How long could this last?
It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me. I tried
to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his
question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct
answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me.
At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at any moment, so, to distract
myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.
"Hey, Jess?"
"What's up, Bella?"
"Could you do me a favor?" I asked, reaching into my bag. "My mom wants me to get some pictures of
